Greg Maresca

Maresca

In its wake, the Coronavirus has disrupted, and closed businesses, schools and even churches, while every professional sports league has suspended operations and the NCAA has canceled their celebrated March Madness basketball tournament, a first in its long history.

What has never been contained, crushed or suppressed throughout human history is modest levity, which has always provided comedic relief from the debauched haunts of humankind.

How can anyone take seriously what the Chinese Communist Party reports, as they are about as accurate as MSNBC, but not nearly as far left.

The virus’s symptoms especially in men include nausea, weakness and profuse sweating. It’s the same reaction they get when they learn their girlfriends scanned through their cell phones.

If you recall, at the State of the Union address President Trump did not shake hands with House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. Trump was already putting into practice one of the universal precautions against any virus. Chuck Stroup said the real reason Trump didn’t shake hands with Pelosi is because the White House had run out of toilet paper – a true gentleman.

Washing your hands frequently may help combat the virus, but it could result in an outbreak of obsessive compulsive disorder, which doesn’t have a mortality rate. According to The New England Journal of Medicine, the Cronoavirus has a mortality rate of less than two percent, worldwide.

Crossing the Clintons has a higher rate of death.

Provided Hillary Clinton was president, this latest contagion would already be history. Clinton would inform the virus how Vince Foster really died and the next thing you know, the virus would be found dead hanging in its cell.

Speaking of diseases, is there any way we can finally rid ourselves of the Clintons?

A Washington D.C. postal worker has the virus and if something can bring this thing to a halt, it is anyone associated with the United States Postal Service.

Just a month ago, every leftist on social media was a constitutional scholar on impeachment, since that time they have graduated to become infectious disease experts. One such expert is New York City Mayor Bill DeBlasio who requested people not to travel by subway, which will compel riders to urinate at home.

Will residuals ever cease?

The markets are taking investors on a seesaw ride that is fueling the Democrats’ political strategy where the economy tanks and, of course, it’s Trump’s fault. Though the present pandemic poses serious concern, it doesn’t have to aggravate more financial fear than absolutely necessary.

Forgotten or perhaps purposely dismissed is the Russian and Saudi Arabia financial battle over the price of oil, or the long anticipated stock market correction. Most investors fear Bernie Sanders most because although the virus could kill you, being dead means you vote Democrat into perpetuity.

The American capitalistic spirit will find a cure in enough time for China to steal it, take credit for it, and then sell it back to us. This would suit the left just fine except, of course, if the remedy was developed by a straight, white, middle aged male.

One nameless individual reminds me daily how this virus won’t last because, after all, it was made in China. Political prognosticator Bob Adams mentioned that Congress could be shuttered until summer proving that every crisis does possess a silver lining.

Sixteen million people in northern Italy are currently being held in what one mainstreamer has described as “the largest lockdown in European history.”

Not even close. The Iron Curtain holds that dubious distinction.

In Iran only Allah knows the whole truth, but reports say some Iranian senior leadership has kicked the Coronavirus bucket.

History is on our side as civilization survived the Spanish Flu pandemic in 1918 that killed over 50 million in a much less populated planet. The 20th century was also the bloodiest in human history, with two unprecedented, savagely fought World Wars and several others, not to mention a major economic world-wide depression, and several notable recessions.

Yes, we are all going to die, but we will not succumb to a virus whose namesake is a Mexican light beer.

Viruses are contagious, but so is fear, foolishness and levity – it’s your choice – make it count.

Greg Maresca is a freelance writer who lives in Elysburg, Northumberland County.

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