Editor, Gettysburg Times,
To reduce any lack of confusion, the extension of diminished unemployment benefits of $400 per week, and the moratorium on evictions announced Friday in Washington, Lala, exuded from the hitherto undiscovered Third House of Congress. The Third House is known as The John, named after its discoverer and sole Occupant. John, the discoverer or inventor, reports it was found in a small soil closet in the White House, where it had lain unused for 232 years. The John is provided for by Article 1, Section 11 of the Constitution, which was penned in by a clerk shortly after the printed copy arrived at the White House. The John has powers limited only by the imagination of its Occupant, termed The Supreme Lord.